Know Thyself
Humans learn to think by speaking their thoughts aloud. Have you noticed the way toddler’s verbalise every thought they have? The little chatterboxes explain everything. Imagine if adults did this. As we get older and more socially aware, the dialogue becomes internal. The older we get the less we notice the internal chatter. When faced with a new challenge though, you will see yourself revert back to speaking your way through it. Whenever I’m driving a new car or in a new area I can’t help but speak to myself. These internal stories are our self-talk and they are the subconscious tools that can hinder you, or propel you. Let’s tune in.
Self-talk can work for us or against us, so it’s important to tune in to hear what it’s saying. Keep a notebook or journal nearby as you go about your work. Listen out for anything’s that flashes up. It is usually when you hit an obstacle that you will catch it. It might say, ‘God, nothing is ever simple’. Write it down, don’t think about it too much and keep going. When I started watching what I was saying to myself, I quickly saw how belittling it was. ‘I’m such an idiot’, ‘I’m not cut out for this’, ‘this will never work out’ and on it goes, on repeat all day. How would you cope if you had someone sitting next to you saying such things? How productive do you think you would be? Would you put up with it, or would you tell them to get lost?
When we are unaware of the destructive and limiting things we tell ourselves all day everyday, we are unable to challenge them. They are accepted by our subconscious and affect the way we view the situation. Maybe you think you hate your job because your boss doesn’t respect you. When in reality, there is a record playing in your head that tells you you’re not good enough and you don’t matter. This record changes the way you hold yourself at work, and how you see your boss’ interactions. Listen up; it’s time to take your power back.
WARNING: Be kind with yourself as you listen. Judging yourself for having negative thoughts, and making yourself out to be a cruel or bitter person for thinking this way, is not helping the situation. Criticism cannot end criticism, only kindness can. Accept yourself unconditionally.
This is what if sounds like inside my skull when I have a creative deadline looming and fear is standing in the way:
‘Look! I need to finish this. I need to finish this right now! Get out of my way!’ to which it responses,
‘But look at aaalllll the time you’ve waaaasted. You’ll never come back from this.’ You’re frustrated so you push harder,
‘It’s your fault I’m so behind, it’s your fault I have to do three days worth of work in one. So get out of my way already!’
‘If you were better, you wouldn’t have have spent all that time moping around on youtube’
‘I know okay, but if I don’t do something I’m really dead’
‘Why are you so out of control? It’s looks really bad, you know everyone thinks you’re a joke.’
‘Shit. Well this is my last chance to prove them wrong isn’t it? I’ve have to make this perfect. MOVE!’
‘Perfect, in one day and with your track record? GF please’.
If you try to fight fear at fear’s game and you will lose. You can’t belittle fear, you can’t call fear names, you can’t yell at it. Because who you are yelling at, is you. By showing your anger or frustration shows fear that it’s already won. Fear feeds of the negative tension you put out, it makes it stronger, and you weaker. It will trick you into agreeing with it that you’re weak and helpless, soon you will be doing its arguing for it. You can’t out-fear the fear that stands between you and your dreams by coming down to its level. Just as only light can end darkness, only love can stop fear. To dissolve it you must learn to speak the language of love.
Listen to your self talk.
Your Friend,