Self-compassion: what’s coming up for you?
In this time of upheaval, in between the old normal and the new, the veil is thin. Our limiting beliefs and coping mechanisms are being brought to the surface so we can see them for what they are - illusions.
For some of us it has been ingrained racism, for others it’s the desperate need to control. Whatever is coming up for you, let it. Let it kick and scream. Let it be ugly. Sit back and observe.
Don’t panic. Don’t make meaning. Don’t be conditional with yourself. Don’t be transactional with your pain. Don’t come to your defense or force the silver lining. All will be revealed and all will be healed.
I used to think there were only two ways to face the roller coaster of life. The strong way or the weak way. The strong way meant charging towards discomfort, full steam ahead, positivity all the way, in control and unemotional. The weak way was to fall in a depressed anxious heap and admit defeat.
Now I know there is a middle ground option and it’s called self compassion. Self compassion is admitting it hurts while still moving forward, gently, and resting when you need to.
With self compassion there’s no forced positivity. There’s no self pity either. It’s an honest place where pain isn’t weakness and aggression isn’t strength. No matter how low you feel or how slow you move, that’s okay, that’s not defeat.
You can crawl, you can saunter, you can fumble or you can flow your way towards the discomfort. You don’t have to fight it. It’s as simple as standing still in the uncomfortable truth when you’d rather retreat.
It’s saying to yourself “I will never leave you. I will stay in this dark place and do the hard work because I believe I can. Because this crap that’s coming up, it’s become a part of me that’s not the real me”.
The first time I felt really seen by my boyfriend was ironically the moment I felt him see through me, through my bullshit. He saw the games my fear was playing and rolled his eyes. He didn’t engage, he let it dissipate.
I felt naked in the moment because underneath the ego BS, was the real me. Underneath the stories I’d spun about wrong doings, about my deficiencies and the need to overcompensate, underneath those illusions, everything was surprisingly perfect.
Peak behind the veil.
- Buzzy