She’s a real piece of work in progress
This is not my last rodeo. It may be my first, the first time I’ve stepped into a challenge like this. I might make a fool out of myself in the process, correction I definitely will, but that’s what happens. I’m not a finished piece, I’m a work in progress. I’ll use these lessons for my next project and again onto and into the next. It will all make sense in the end. But for now I’m going to stumble my way through this to meet the next lesson. I got this and I don’t got this at the same time, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Ain’t no other way. Keep those expectations in check.
Above is an old sticky-note-to-self I just found which I thought was worth sharing. How sweet I was to write this to myself. This kind of self support is what I owe all of my success to.
Every perfectionism relapse, every dance with anxiety, every ride on the downward spiral has brought me closer to me. Who knew that what I needed to become stronger, was to soften.
I’m in awe of how the Failure Friendly practice keeps evolving. It began as a way of turning self doubt into self belief and then self sabotage into self compassion but now I’m experiencing something deeper. I’m learning the art of self honouring.
Self honouring is the practice of offering the same openness and space to the alarm bell worry thoughts, the ‘crazy thoughts’ as I used to think of them, and treating them the way we treat the quiet voice of wisdom that points us in the right direction.
I used to think that one was good and one bad, one should be amplified and the other silenced but now I know they are the same thing. One is more urgent and in need of immediate attention, the other can wait. (Polarity is our nature, it’s what makes us whole).
In the same way we sometimes need a friend to just listen without offering advice, we also need to give ourselves the same kindness. To listen. To witness. Without judgement. Without agenda.
When the fear appears, don’t react. Just listen, smile and nod. It will show you something or it will transform itself into something lighter and float away. The stumbling block is when we fear the fear, we panic and try so suppress or ignore it.
Unacknowledged fear will not be quiet, it will scream louder and louder until it’s heard. It will hit the red button in our brain to flood our veins with cortisol. That’s its job. When the tension still doesn’t make us listen, it will knock violently, causing headaches, stress rashes or panic attacks.
What was once a passing thought takes on a life of its own. You’ve created a monster. What could have been transformed with a smile and nod now needs a stage and hours of comforting, maybe a panadol.
Honour yourself, all of you.
Buzzy :)