Body Talk: How Burning Out Taught me to Listen to my body
Rainy days, runny nose, purple haze and dirty clothes. Current mood. Yes, I’m spending the morning in bed with Hendrix because I’m feeling flat and in need of recharging. In need, indeed. Let’s talk about energy.
Einstein said ‘Everything is energy…’ and I say ‘Energy is everything’. Energy is by far the most important resource you have. What good is endless time and money if you don’t have the energy to do anything with it? What good is a mind full of ideas if you don’t have the energy to bring them to life?!
It wasn’t until I burnt out big time that I started to understand the value of energy cycles and how to manage them. So many motivational messages push the masculine ‘NEVER GIVE UP’ ‘KEEP GOING’ ‘REST WHEN YOU’RE DEAD’ mentality. So I push, push, pushed myself to the edge of an early grave. Not fun.
After months of feeling like I was only keeping my head above water, I had to crash and burn. I was bedridden for weeks followed by months of lethargy. Why I was unable to just push through like I always did baffled me. It made me frustrated and stressed, which only drained more energy. Five months later I can see now that I had been burning energy I didn’t have and was simply depleted. Beyond depleted in fact.
Here is what hindsight has to say about it:
You can follow the logic in your head and the heads of others – thoughts. But thoughts are learnt, conditioned, biased, dated and often wrong. Logic is a one size fits all disaster. Logic doesn’t know you. You know you. You may be confused and misled by the thoughts that sound clever and unquestionable, but you know your own truth. How? The body talks, or more accurately it whispers, so learn to listen. Take a moment to ask the question, “How do I feel?”
I had so many niggling health problems, and crippling back pain. My response? ‘Ain’t nobody got time for that.’ Swallow the pain with a pill and move on. There were other red flags: I was avoiding my friends and family, I was ignoring my voicemail, cooking and cleaning were things of the past… and exercise? Nope, no time.
How many times have you heard people say ‘listen to your body’ but never really understood what they were on about? The body talks in mysterious ways. For me it sends red flags when I’m off-course and boosts of energy when I’m staying true. You can either ignore it or get ready to say ‘I should have followed my gut!’ Or you can start to check in every now and then to get to know what feels good and what feels bad.
I check in with an energy scale to see if I’m feeling depleted, flat, bored, contented, recharged, charged, or overflowing. (Side note, for me ‘overflowing’ is just as dangerous a flat if I’m not keeping energy to feed myself). When you’re drowning in red flags, it’s okay to raise the white one. Do nothing for a while, then go about seeking things that charge you up. Today it’s Jimi Hendrix, tomorrow it might be a magazine, meditation, an episode on Netflix or a run on the beach. Sometimes I get it wrong; I think a long nap or a block of chocolate will do the trick. But they often leave me feeling flat instead of buzzing, and that’s important feedback from le body. It’s not about getting it right 100% of the time but keeping the conversation going. Does that make sense?
What I’m trying to say is be kind to yourself, be mindful of your red flags and accepting of the white ones. You’re not a failure; you just need to recharge. Surrender to your body’s wisdom and do what feels right for you.
Your Friend,
Buzzy