Start Here: a road-map for recovering perfectionists
Are you putting off your dreams because you’re scared of:
a) Starting (ah! I’m not ready!)
b) Being judged "
c) Failing (NOOOO!)
d) Success (ah! What next?! The pressure!)
e) All of the above
Guess what my friend, you’re probably a perfectionist - you're my people! I know the fear well. I stand with you in terror as I force myself to write post number 1! I’m also well acquainted with the shame. The shame and guilt of turning your back on your creative dreams and ideas, of letting yourself down by following your fears back to the couch, the fridge or the endless scroll. Numbing out with your poison of choice, to bury the feelings of fear and shame, until you some day stand where I stood – rock bottom.
If you feel hung-over from the poisonous thoughts and are exhausted from the mental beating you’ve been giving yourself, I feel you. #perfectionistlife aka the trap of perfectionism. How could I be a perfectionist I thought, I’m far from perfection. ‘Student needs to apply herself to reach her full potential’ the report card always said as I cruised through school and life. But the reason I lacked effort was fear of ‘all the above’. It’s better to not to try than try and fail I thought. But I ached inside to strive for something, to make something I was proud of, to be seen and just to believe in myself enough to try.
I can remember the day in 2012 when I sat in my dark bedroom frustrated to tears, disappointed in my comfortable yet insipid existence. All the ideas I had let die. All the time I had wasted waiting. It was then that I realized that my life was my responsibility. So, in that dark room I promised to figure out ‘the fear’ and get unstuck. I started researching the psychology of fear. I discovered mindfulness and was my own experiment for the next five years. Now I’m dying to share all the things I wish someone had told me sooner. So here I am, sharing my story and findings, one imperfect post at a time.
If you are a recovering perfectionist suffering from creative guilt, welcome friend!
You may not realise it yet but you are already perfect. You are a splendidly messy human like the rest of us. Yay! You may need some help shedding the self-doubt and destructive habits that have piled on over the years, but your underlying perfection is fixed from birth.
Because our brain is wired for survival, not happiness, we will have to train our brain to transcend the fear. We will call on leading findings from epigenetic and psychological research to empower our Self Talk, harness a Growth Mindset and embrace our humanness with Self Compassion.
There is a friendlier way to unleash your creative potential.
Thank you for joining me…
Your Friend,