#rulemaker
Creative people are naturally rebellious. We like to bend rules rather than follow the crowd. Rules. Speed limits. Red lights. They’re annoying. But imagine a busy road without rules, would you drive it? Hell no. Love them or hat them rules make us feel safe. And it’s only when we feel safe that we can do great work. On the road the rules are clear; in life and love, not so much.
For the creative perfectionist the only rule is ‘nothing is ever good enough’. So you can imagine the kind of hours and the amount of stress involved in chasing an ever shifting finish line. Burnout, here we come. If you’re reading this from the pressure cooker that you call your life, read on my friend.
I talk about creative work, because that’s where the fear of failure held me back. But I’m feeling romantic today so I want to talk about love. I suspect the way we love and they way we work may be more closely connected than we expect. So bear with me.
A red hot chilli pepper is singing the words I didn’t know I wanted to hear, making it hard to concentrate.
“One to treasure the rest of your days here, and give you pleasure in so many ways dear…Do you want me to show up for duty, to serve this woman and honour her beauty…Take this moment to make you my family, all I want is for you to be happy…Finally you’ve found something perfect, you’ve found yourself.”
That’s what I want - Rock n Roll vows and masculinity strong enough to SERVE the feminine. How many men are intimidated by a strong woman and judge, complain, or belittle her down to their level, rather than rising to meet her like a real man? That’s another story. Or is it? How many women and men accept this standard of love? Not wanting to be greedy or ungrateful they bury their desire to be supported in reaching their brightest potential. Me! And who (doesn’t) set the rules of engagement and (fails to) uphold the standards? …Me?
Tony Robbins says, ‘If you sincerely want to change your life: raise your standards.’ This never really made sense to me until I saw how low my standards really were. Once I got past the denial, I saw how stressed, scared and undervalued I felt in all areas of my life.
Look at your current working conditions, living conditions and loving conditions. Would you want a friend to live in the same environment? Has the bar been set disgracefully low? Or are you feeling safe and supported in all areas?
It’s not just okay to want to feel supported and it’s not just normal; it is a must. You must speak up for yourself. You must make the changes needed to feel safe and supported when you love and create. You must make the rules, and you must uphold them. This could look like ‘no negative talk towards others or ourselves’. In the human likelihood that this rule is broken, ‘every negative comment must be countered with five positives ones’.
Write your own damn rules.
Your Friend,
Buzzy