Shadow work: why you’re anxious and how to let go

Here is a crash course in becoming Failure Friendly:

There are three skills that you need to learn and the trick is trying to dance with and balance all three as you move through the creative process. 

The first skill ‘Wake Up’ asks you to become a witness to your thoughts with self awareness, so that you can identify your limiting beliefs. Self awareness also allows you bounce back into a Failure Friendly Mindset when you notice yourself drift into unhealthy habits. This is an act that requires suspending self judgment and looks like aha moments. 

The second skill ‘Shake Up’ asks you to embrace a positive empowered perspective and hold a clear vision of self belief, resilience and success. It’s not about telling the world you’re the best, it’s about asking yourself ‘why not me?’ Keeping your faith stronger than your fear is a divinely masculine act that looks like backing yourself and taking action.

The third skill ‘Make Up’ asks you to soften towards discomfort by holding space for your emotions rather than fighting against yourself. Here you will learn that pain is not a sign of weakness but the source of healing and strength. Self compassion is a divinely feminine act, that feels like a safe womb and looks like kindness.  

But there is one more thing you should know…  

Everything in nature, including us, is a paradox. Where there is light there is also darkness. Where we have divine strengths, we also have deep shadow sides. Have you ever been spooked by a moving shadow only to realise it was your own? Your metaphysical shadow is much like your physical one - scary until you realise what it is.

So what is it?

While the bright or divine side of masculinity is unshakable self belief, a knowing that you are worthy of success, and a clear vision of that future success. The shadow side of masculinity is spending too much time visualising the future in an attempt to predict and control all aspects of the uncertainty. This looks like worrying or even anxiety. 

The bright and divine side of femininity is the safe spaciousness that allows for healing, with a knowing that emotions will not break you forever but foster growth instead. The shadow side of femininity is becoming overprotective, retreating or putting your walls up like a true ice queen. By eliminating all risk, you also eliminate the possibility for growth. This looks like hiding or possibly depression. 

Can you pick what these shadow sides have in common? What drives this shadow behaviour? Underneath these controlling behaviours is a belief that we are inherently unsafe and under threat. When we are living under this presumption we are always armoured up and fighting our way through life. A draining game to play, but we do play because it feels good to be prepared for the worst case scenario. 

I’ve realised lately that while it’s great to feel prepared for potential threats, when we are fighting against a future that hasn’t happened or locking ourselves away in bunkers that don’t exist, we are missing out on the moment. Robbing ourselves of the joy that is all around us right now. And that brings me back to ‘Wake Up’.

Present moment awareness is not only the reason to step out of your shadow side but the path itself. It’s the aha moment that might come from a partners comment, the look on a friend’s face, a question or a deep breath. Practicing the Failure Friendly Mindset strengthens this consciousness muscle that transports us from dark to light. 

So let’s dance in our divinity.

Your Friend,

Buzzy